Mauerbauertraurigkeit

n. the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like—as if all your social tastebuds suddenly went numb, leaving you unable to distinguish cheap politeness from the taste of genuine affection, unable to recognize its rich and ambiguous flavors, its long and delicate maturation, or the simple fact that each tasting is double-blind. Literally wall-builder-sadness.

This is a feeling I used to experience very often when I was younger. I would go through deep bouts of depression and push everyone away even my best friends and loved ones. I wouldn’t allow anyone to help me and would just dive deeper and wallow. While this isn’t an issue as much anymore it’s nice to know there is a name for it. When something has a name you know other people are going through it as well. Also being able to name something makes it easier to overcome. A nameless thing is like fighting mist.

So while this doesn’t necessarily fall under my favorite things, I do love the fact that this word exists. Also this post is being typed from a hotel room in the Bahamas so don’t worry about me things are going great.

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